Understanding how to be 'at your best' & three questions for reflection
This is a video of a talk that Fiona created for a client, sharing a metaphor that she developed to understand her own thinking about the topic of being ‘at my best’.
We share it to stimulate your own thinking on the subject and to ask yourself the three questions that are posed.
Transcript
0:03
Hello, I'm Fiona Moore, and I'm a leadership coach. My business energy is all about energy. That's the energy to grow energy to change energy to choose, and to focus on our own personal development. I've been exploring this idea of being at my best, and enabling others to be at their best for a number of years now. And believe me, I've had quite a lot of personal learning on this subject.
0:30
I did a talk recently for a client. And this video is sharing that talk and the metaphor that I developed at the end of 2019, and three questions on the subject of being at your best.
0:45
Very few people would say that being at their best more of the time wouldn't be useful. And I'm sharing this metaphor and these questions to help stimulate your thinking on you at your best
1:00
It's called a tale of three beaches.
And I want to start by getting you to picture this scene. It's 5:30 in the evening, the sun's starting to set. The sky looks like this. It's starting to turn rosy and orange.
1:22
I'm sitting out on the deck. It's beautiful, it's peaceful. If I reach out my right hand, I can touch the arm of the person that I love most in the world. If I reach out my left hand, there's a nice cold Crown lager.
1:39
It's 27 degrees from a high of 36 at lunchtime, it's the 27th of December. And, in case you haven't guessed, we're in Sydney, Australia. It's beautiful. I'm feeling really contented. Feels like I've got a glow and that's not just from having had a bit of sun on my skin for the day.
We spent the day here. One of the most iconic beaches in the world, Bondi. We took our kids on a backpacker day, on bus packed with students, not necessarily our favourite beach in the world, but the kids are half Australian. And at least once in their lives they need to go to this beach
There's a lovely walk from Bondi all around the headland. And if you do that walk, you come to a series of other beaches. Firstly, this Tamar Amma, then this Bronte and then there's Koogie
We've had a wonderful day, the sunshine, the sky was blue, the water was turquoise, and it was a bit chilly on first dip, we had lunch in the shade of the surf club. We'd had laughter we'd had fun. We'd all got on - it was beautiful.
So, I was sitting on the deck later, with that cold beer in my hand, wondering a bit more about it. And this idea of being at my best. Today certainly delivered on everyone's expectation. And actually, we'd all been at our best. But I asked myself with curiosity, was there more to it than that? It can't just have been about the sun and a nice venue.
So it started to really make me think about unpicking this idea of being at your best and being at my best. And that's where this metaphor sprung to mind. There's a secret scientist in me. And whenever I'm stuck on a particular question, I always go back to definition of terms.
And so I started thinking about the beaches that we'd been to, and perhaps what the words meant.
So, Bondi. This is an aboriginal word, meaning the waters breaking on the shore or the rocks. Or sometimes it's translated as the sound of the wave breaking. I love the fact that indigenous people often have a single word that conjures up a whole image or picture.
Tamar Amma means storm or thunder. Bronte is actually named after Lord Nelson as the Duke of Bronte, so it's not Aboriginal, but if it's used as a girl's name, it also means thunder. And then there's Koogie This is a smelly place or the smell of seaweed drying when it's translated from Aboriginal.
So where was I going with this metaphor? And what's it all about?
So Bondi, the waters breaking on the shore or the sound of the waves breaking. To me that means there is a sense of balance, a sense of equilibrium. The beach doing its own thing, the waves rolling in the way they're supposed to; the beach responding. That day, I felt like I was in balance. It felt like I was in touch; connected to the people around me and connected to my environment. I was being as I was supposed to be, at my core.
I have my own sound just like the beach. I have my own peace.
5:41
And understanding what that means is really important. And being really clear about it is helpful - to recreate it - because it's then possible to recreate it without the sun and the turquoise water and the blue sky. And maybe recreate it on a rainy Saturday in Nottingham.
6:08
So what could I create, recreate, if it wasn't the sun and the water and the blue sky?
I could create a sense of balance. I could recreate a sense of kindness.
And when I think about me at my best for me, it's really strongly linked to having a sense of clarity. Knowing what I'm about knowing what I want to achieve, enabling others to be at their best. At my best, I'm calm. I'm an enabler. I have insight. And intuitiveness. I'm encouraging. And I'm at my best when I'm learning, I'm growing. I'm enabling others, and I'm challenging and guiding them.
Being aware of my best, my beach, when it's in balance is really important. It's crucial. I often talk about this sense of having a strong sense of core something that runs all the way through the heart - a bit like the words written on a stick of rock. Being connected to others and having the opinion of my trusted friends and colleagues is also really important, and a big part of my own development. As humans, we need to feel connected and appreciated and acknowledged by others, and have people who are prepared to be honest with us.
The appreciation is crucial to us as people. It's a key part of our needs.
7:37
There's lots of people that I really value here, and I'm sure it's the case with you too. But here's the rub. I bet we don't tell them often enough what it is we value them for.
7:49
So there's a big request.
Notice what you value in the others around you. Make sure you tell them. Notice the impact. I know I've been profoundly impacted by others who have been prepared to tell me what they really value. And it's been a key part of me really understanding my Bondi beach at its best, my inner core, my strength. So, if you notice and tell others, you may find, they give you some really good insight back about you your best.
But sometimes, of course, storms crop up in our lives, bit of Tamar Amma occurs. Some of these storms roll up out of you, take us by surprise. Sometimes we actually watch the weather front rolling in and we have time to prepare our response or what we're going to do.
8:48
Sometimes it's as if there's a cloud overhead and it empties its load of water right on top of us. And sometimes there are storms that last for quite a while. And I guess we've all had these in our lives.
9:02
I've had my own dark moments in my life, and actually surviving them and managing them has made me stronger and more determined. Interestingly, this day I've been referring to - 27th of December. There was a little bit of time aroma in the evening, a little family incident of storm if you like.
I hadn't seen it rolling in. I didn't respond well. I was actually the one emptying my water on the others in the family. Reflecting later I realised that I've fought the storm, rather than allowing it to pass.
We all have choices when our best is challenged. When the storms hit us. We can choose to respond with thunder or a different response. I took the path of react rather than respond. And if I'd done the latter and responded, the storm would have passed easily across my beach. And also quicker.
This chance to choose has been one of my biggest learnings. And I forget sometimes that I have that choice in how I respond and how I impact on others and on my own best. Because of course, when we do react with thunder, we're impacting our own best as well as that of others.
10:23
When I pause and notice the storm, before it hits, I know I have a choice and I can make it, and then of course, there's the seaweed.
10:36
So Koogie - we know that if seaweed is left to hang around in the sun, it gets a bit ripe, it gets a bit smelly. It can take away from the beauty of the beach, if there's a lot of it. It also takes away from our own beauty when we're at our best. My idea, my metaphor here is that I think there are sometimes things in our lives that we perhaps allow to hang around. Things that we don't deal with, or which we perhaps need to move on from - maybe habits, perhaps things that we do or things that we repeatedly say to ourselves.
11:12
It's time we let go of them.
There are things that we cling on to for suppose that comfort, or in order to have familiarity, or even to fit in. Sometimes the seaweed is really obvious. And sometimes it takes one of our close friends or colleagues to point it out to us.
A friend of mine inadvertently pointed out some of my Koogie, my seaweed, something that I had not even noticed that I did. I see her several times at the school gate. Sometimes it was a quick Hello in passing. Sometimes, we'd have a longer chat, and sometimes we'd arrange perhaps to meet later. One day as normal she asked how I was, and I replied, 'oh, very busy'.
And her response was, 'you're always busy, Fiona, you say that a lot'.
And if there'd been a camera there, you'd been able to take a picture of my face, I think you'd have caught me with my mouth open, as her response kind of hit me.
But it was a really helpful insight. And I realised that I did respond like that a lot. Whether I was busy or not, actually. And when I unpicked it, I realised it was all about habit - that I had created a habit about fitting in. Being busy was good wasn't it? Being being busy meant value, meant important, meant credibility. For me, it also meant I fitted in, I'd always assumed it was a good thing to fit in. And to not stand out from the crowd. But as I worked with this particular piece of seaweed, this particular unhelpful habit, I realised I was playing to an imaginary drum in my head - of an expectation I had set, or actually an expectation, I imagined that there was of me.
I convinced myself that busy meant value.
13:18
Since then I've learned that value has a different measure. And value might come with space and quality, rather than busyness.
13:27
And back to this idea of choice, I've taken the choice too, and given myself permission to give myself space sometimes to think quality over volume.
I've had to sweep my beach if that particular piece of seaweed and it's taken a strong broom to help push that habit to one side, but it's been worth the effort.
So let me wrap up - I've got three questions and a request for you.
So, do you know what you're like when your beach is imbalance, when your beaches in equilibrium? Doing what you do at your best?
Being clear about what this solid core is, making its own natural sound on your beach. What is your Bondi?
14:29
What choices do you make when the storms roll in? Do you even notice the Tamar Amma arriving? And what do you do? Do you respond or react?
14:43
And what seaweed do you need to clear off your beach? What habits what Koogie isn't serving you anymore?
And a request: really notice what you value in other people. What are the things that they are doing? They are helpful, supportive, or them at their best. Notice and tell them - they'll maybe return the favour and give you an insight into you at your best, into your Bondi too.
So, there we have it. Three beaches: Bondi, Tamar Amma and Koogie.
15:27
Enjoy your own reflections into these three questions. Thanks for listening everybody.